smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Vodka?
Forever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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