Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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