Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize