Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
