Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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