So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
