well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
