At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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