i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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