And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
