Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
