girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
