I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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