Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
is that a dick in a sweater?
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