I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I smell stomach acid.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
