this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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