thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
