Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
