I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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