He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
