Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
