Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
