You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
