Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
