It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
