All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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