well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
