Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
