Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
