We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
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You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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