The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
