Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
