I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
