normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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