Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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