Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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