i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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