she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
