I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
