Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
