Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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