I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
