I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
