That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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