it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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