If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
