I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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