I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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