All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
