don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
