Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
