my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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