It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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