Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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