I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
