i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
