he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
