try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
