I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize