It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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