I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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