And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
