I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
