he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
