you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
