I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
