A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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