I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
