my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
