The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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