Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
