just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
