Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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