I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize