two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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