accomplished twins. life is a go
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
