so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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