if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
