I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
