he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
