Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
