just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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