I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
