There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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