He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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